I stood in the rain... Waiting patiently for the time to come.
And at last.. You showed up... But in a masked face.
I reached out to you. To touch your mind.
I just wanna share that agony you might be feeling.
But you slapped that hand away from yourself, and continue to manipulate me.

I thought to myself...
"Did I do the right thing?"
"Whats wrong with me?"
"You... prefer someone else?"
"What Happen?"
"Maybe I should try to be myself.."
"Should I be straight-forward?"
"Seems that its getting worse..."
"I wished I had not attempted that..."

I'm losing hope and faith.

I just wished you'll open up.
Sadly, that hasn't happened yet.
I just realized you were looking from another perspective.
You didn't realize that yet.
You've probably lost that feeling.
I'm still clinging onto it.
Am I really being treated like a fool? Like Child's play?
Probably. Just that I can't bring myself to it until the truth is placed right in-front of my face.
As we all know... The Truth hurts.
I still hunger for it.


So...
Heres my last sentence for you.
The ambers are here for you to re-kindle.
Its about time they get lit-up, extinguished with cold icy water, or slowly die off as time goes by.
In another words, that feeling I have for you is expiring.


" ill Et Elle... Un Amour, Un Coeur, Amour Eternal "
"He and She... One love, One heart, Everlasting love"

=========================================================

Tuesday, 19th January 2010


After a long day in school...
As I was heading back home to prepare for a tuition...
I board a bus, sat next to the exit entrance.
A group of Paya Lebar Methodist girls, board the bus, stood beside me.

And the most unusual thing occurred to me:


Girl No.1 : You know Angeline?
Girl No.2 : Yeah?
Girl No.1 : Shes so cute right?!
Girl No.2 : Exactly!
Girl No.1 : I think I like her
Girl No.2 : Really arh?
Girl No.1 : Can don't tell anyone? *Smiles*
Girl No.2 : Sure Sure! Hehehe
(I nearly laughed)
Girl No.1 : Shes so pretty... Unlike Jenny, so ugly.
Girl No.2 : (Hahahaha) Ya lor
Girl No.1 : I think shes straight... Maybe not... err
Girl No.2 : Just tell her that you like her lor

Another guy, 16 or 17 years old, widened his eyes when he heard that.

Then.. I wonder to myself ...
"Girls in all-Girls schools are more prone to be lesbians?? Its a miracle Boys in all-Boys schools are less prone to be Gays."

Another thing...
It seems normal when girls hold each other's hand and say "I Love you" to each other. A quick peck seems fine, but not a long kiss.

But, its the exact opposite for boys.
When Boys hold hands... Yuck.
When a boy says "I Love you" to another boy, It became unpleasant to hear.
When a boy kisses another boy, its plain gay.

When Girls talk about Gays, they will giggle and laugh as if it was the best joke of the century.
I mean, come on, its not even the least funny.

When Boys talk about Lesbians, they either sigh or stop talking about them entirely.

-------------------

At the moment.... Planning lots of courses for the Scouts :D
Although being a Public Relations Officer is a hectic job,
Its still really fun, enjoyable and interesting.
(I can collect the badges, re-stock badge box and get the badges for myself first :P)
And to plan badge courses, which I find, really meaningful and fun.

I have to give credits to my sirs and all who helped me :D

We had an SCC meeting today (to plan for other scout meetings).
Theres only 4 of us, but we did way better than the SCC meeting on Monday :D
Much easier to plan when you aren't being watched by your seniors. The ideas simply flow from our head.
Gonna work hard for Chief Commissioner's Award... And to study even harder too, of course.

Scouts Movement

I was a Scout since Primary 5.
I decide to join the Scouts cause..
1. I love to pitch tent and camp out in the woods when I was young.
2. My father was once, a Rover (JC/Poly) scout.
3. I love the badges, and how creative the CCA - Scouts, can be.
4. I definitely love to be a leader.

My brief History :

When I was a Cub scout (Primary School)...
All I ever did was to go for Meetings, and play games which requires teamwork..
My teacher didn't taught us much.
All I ever remember was to volunteer for many events (Sixer's camp, for Sixer and Senior Sixer) but end up being forgotten for it..
I just remember being taught the Scout Promise & Law, which I find, really meaningful.

Secondary Level.

I attended the CCA Fair, and came across the Scout Booth, which our teacher brought us to.
As a Cub scout, I thought it would be much more interesting and fun to be a Scout (Since they were wearing long pants with a green beret while cub scouts wore short ugly pants and a watermelon cap).
Our Guide was Venture Aaron-James.
Someone asked if the tower they build, would fall. Venture Aaron demonstrated in-front of him, by climbing onto the tower.
My personal guide during the free-time, was once PL, Chor Hong. He explained to me all the proficiency badges to the best of his abilities, and showed me around for quite awhile.
Oh, and I signed the list straight away, and was glad to be selected. :D

Secondary One:

There were no punishments given to us for the first month.
I was excited when we were informed that we are going to buy our uniforms, boots, scarfs, etc.
Through the year, we were being punished.
I remembered being immature and saying stuffs I do not mean.
I begin to lose hope as my mind was on the wrong setting. As a frail boy at that time, I could not do proper push-ups.
I keep skipping Scout Meetings, as I thought there will always be punishments without fail.
I just don't see the light in those punishments, we rightfully deserve.
I volunteered for National Patrol Camp.
Trainings were tough. I came for every single-day trainings, but I skipped some camps....
Which... Yeah, I regretted.
I could have learned alot, and I knew I would've been selected had I commit myself to these.
Nowadays, whenever I see my scouts, walking around with an NPC badge on their uniform, I sigh to myself.

I was not promoted to Assistant Patrol Leader.

Secondary Two:

I continued the bad habit of skipping meetings.
I respected the newly-promoted APLs by calling them using their title.
I did my best for pioneering, and it improved tremendously.

I remember coming for one meeting, and Benjamin Sir told me this.
"Kevin, you're once a cub scout, don't let your Scouting Spirit die."

Hell yeah. Thats when I woke up and start coming for meetings regularly.

After that meeting, Gary Sir asked us everyone if anyone of us is interested in working hard for Chief Commissioner's Award, the highest award available to a scout.
I volunteered myself and thereby, I have to send an application to him of why I decide to pursue it.
From his expression on the next meeting, after sending the application, he seem to be contented with what I sent.

End of Secondary 2,
I thought I was selected to be a Chief Quartermaster.
I attended Annual Training Camp '09 and on the last night, I was selected to be a Patrol Leader through the ceremony.
I was darn happy and proud, alright.


Secondary 3, (Present):

As a new Patrol Leader,
I believed in Leader-Follow relationships. It would serve me well in the long run, as long as it isn't false intentions. It has to be mutual.
Should the scouts ever committed a mistake, I would punish them with a suitable reason.
I will embrace the physical pain brought upon them, with some reasons and something after the meeting, to make them smile.

I became wiser, and initiative enough to volunteer and do stuffs.
My uniform is now adorned with souvenir badges, proficiency badges, etc.
And I did notice something about myself - I wore the uniform with more pride than my past.
Almost all of my scout-mates would give a "wah!" or simply asked about the proficiency badges.

Saturday - 16th Jan 2010,

Went to the Gym and Swimming pool in Farmway community club with the ventures, Gary Sir, and my fellow Chief Commissioner's Award applicants.
I had fun along with Michael, Nathan and Brandon. :D
We were training to be fit for Chief Commissioner's Award.

Thereafter, went to the Scout shop/HQ in Bishan with Gary Sir and Brandon Tan.
Bought some socks, scarf, venture training scheme and venture record book (To read it up in advance, though I've not arrived at that level yet :P)
Brandon bought some souvenir badges as collection.
I bought for him a Venture training scheme and Venture record book too.

Went home, turned on the computer for facebook, then fell asleep.

I will work hard for Chief Commissioner's Award, and perhaps work hard too, for the most prestigious award in the Venture Section - President's Scout Award (PSA). I heard the individual being awarded with it will get to meet President S.R. Nathan and appear on the newspaper. Not sure about it.

Nowadays, I keep playing games. School, since the start, has been enjoyable. The new classmates I met were great. The teachers are awesome too. I just dislike the chinese teacher :/ . Cai Lao shi, Loh Guat Bee.
The Geography/Social Studies teacher is an experienced and interesting one.
Maths teacher is good too.
Hmm... English teacher... Good too.